The Dosage

I write because I feel a need to. I write about nothing... for the moment. This is all stream of consciousness. I feel the need to write, because I don't have anything else to do... actually, I do, I'm just not doing them. What about love? Shit this song makes me sad. Why am I sad? Because I feel heart broken. I broke my own heart because I overcomplicate my thoughts, I think too much. Memories. What about feeling? This song is really intruding on my thoughts that I write. As much as it is saddening, I just put it on repeat. Why? Because it feels exactly how I feel. Good song. Now, I have nothing flowing through my mind to write much about. No deep thoughts. All my thoughts come back to her. And now I'm thinking about How I Met Your Mother, the TV show. As much as it is funny, sometimes when I watch it, I can't help but feel sad. Sylvia just walked past. Love the hair. Wow, I managed to fill up more than half the page in about 5 min five minutes. That was bad. Stream of consciousness shouldn't have any lines crossing out words, none whatsoever. Hmm. The wind feels good. If only the sun would shine. Song's ended. Back to the beginning I jump. The song reminds me of my broken heart. How was it broken? Pulled out of my chest, crushed and mangled into a ball of meat that pumps blood. The flash frozen and shattered. Into a million pieces. And just when I started picking up the little pieces last week. It happened again. All those pieces shattered into another million pieces. A million times a million. Now the fragments are so small they seem to hardly exist anymore. What about us? You know, I'm beginning to get over this... unrequited romance. Holy crap. I just realised this is classified as unrequited love. As with all the crushes I've had so far in my six years of high school life. What about all the things that make life worth living? I hate this. Now I'm actually listening to the song and getting sad. MAD '09. Going tonight and tomorrow night. Why am I having second thoughts about going at all, when I've already got my tickets? Garr. Thank God for Saz. Back to the beginning. Yes... Saz. She somehow managed to pull out of nowhere a part of my heart this morning. That's when I decided to mend. I need to repair myself. Let the mould of my life grow back a heart for myself. Don't get me wrong. I still can't feel my heart there, I can can visualise it. But I can't feel it. Donated blood on Monday, for a good cause, I will do most things that I can. Can she not see that I like her, because she is who she is? Arghh. You know, I don't think it's healthy that I redirect my jealousy and envy into sadness. Depression. Not good for me. Nothing. Can't think of anything. What if I put no one above you? No one would care. That didn't work out. But they're just bits of the lyrics, so it doesn't flow well when you write one piece of the lyrics then skip an entire section and write the next bit that comes up. Sadness welling up. From listening to the song.

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Wrote that in my free period yesterday. Yep. You can see my thoughts aren't exactly deep during this section of my life. But meh. Every word is true, I suppose.