Fuel, Oxygen, Ignition

Recognise the three things in the heading?

I'm sure some people do. Take a stab, and comment, but knowing everyone who reads this... You'll all get it anyway...

Sigh...

I hate my current... situation?

I suppose I can call it that. My thoughts are in idle mode.

I have no deep thoughts. I hate not being in love. At least then I would whine about having a broken heart.

Or I'm not depressed. At least then I would have my existence to ponder.

Or I'm not all too ecstatic... At least then... I don't know what I do when I'm happy.

Or maybe everything's crashing down on me, and I can't feel it.

Superhuman strength. Wow. But no matter how strong anyone is, they still have a weakness.

I'm not much of an optimist anymore. I used to be, in junior high. Not anymore. I'm more of a realist now. Sigh... Stupid education, and experience. But that's not to say I don't have anymore hope. I have plenty of hope. Just not directed at anything right now.

Word Spill... About nothing.

Should be studying my arse off for HSC, but exactly how lazy can I get?

Fuck, I annoy myself with this lack of study.

I've been reading up on a lot of blogs lately, not that I should be, but you know, I just want to know what's happening the in the minds of my friends, if I can help them out in any way possible. Sometimes, even if you do reach out a hand, they don't take it, because they have other people to lean on, or they'll rely on themselves. I'm one of those people who rely on themselves, half the time. I'm grateful for all the support I get from my friends, but ultimately, that repaired smile is just a facade.

I must admit, sometimes it gets crazy in my mind. All these things floating around like there's no order to them. It gets to me. And I'm very partial to white lies directed at me. I know you're just trying to make me feel better, but what you're about to say about me, is not, and will not ever be as bad as what I've done to myself over these past few years.

Word Spill... about nothing... Sigh.

At least Liam has someone to idolise.

I have no one to look up to... why...?

I know I'm not the best at anything, and yet, I do not desire to be the best. I don't particularly want to be anyone... Hell, if it's anything, I don't want to be myself. Do I even wish to exist?

Yes, I do.

And I know this for a fact, because of all those stupid movies I've watched over my lifetime that have instilled in me a desire to find my "one true love". Honestly, that's probably the one thing that's driving me now. To find a better half. But I see none of it in the near future, and you know... I literally don't have a need to exist right now. My only consolation is that because I live on, I won't cause certain people sadness as in my death. I know I'm loved, but it's a give and take thing, and right now it's just not happening as I want it to.

There's another thing. Give and take. I've thought about sex in this context. Don't ask why, my sex drive isn't exactly in override right now, but it's a part of human nature, and I think about that a lot. This paragraphs for the girls mainly, who do read my blog.... currently probably at zero. But they'll be kind enough to comment on this post, right? Anyway. As I said, Sex is a give and take thing. There are two types of guys when it comes down to sex; one type who pleasure you (the girl) or the other type who pleasure himself ON you. That's right, you read that right. The former is the less selfish type of lover, and you'll have heaps of fun (girls) but, you can't let him do all the loving, you have to do something for him too, or else he'll get tired of pleasuring you, and pretty soon, he's going to break it off, unless, of course, he is the frigid type. The latter, who pleasures himself on you, well... they're REALLY selfish lovers. All they want from you is sex, and pretty much, that's what you'll be giving him. You won't get any pleasure from it, well... not the type that'll make you want to stay. Girls, you want to find a man who's both of these categories. He'll give you some, and he'll take some. Then, and only then, will it last more than the other two.

Wow.. that was a big tangent, but seeing as I have no one girl close enough to me to teach them, well... this is my corner of the internet (as everyone else seems to be doing it, I'll claim this corner of the internet as mine.) and I'll just type it out, because pretty soon, I'll lose that chain of thought.

Anyway.

As I was saying, I've been reading up on a lot of blogs lately... holy shit.. I just realised I've been writing up this post for the past half hour...

Again. I'm still observing.

Anything. Everything.

And I'm trying to learn how to observe certain things as well.

I read a lot. Not recently, other than blogs, but I read a lot normally. And everything that I've learnt.. well... most of it's going to go to waste. Dreams aren't my forte. I have the desire to be an actor in the future with a BPysch, but that's probably not going to happen... But as I said, dreams aren't something I have...

Of course I still read, I care about you. But my question is, do you still read mine?